Why I Stopped Comparing My Journey to Hers

One of the hardest parts of divorce wasn’t the paperwork, the silence, or even the loneliness. It was the comparisons.

I kept looking at her life after we separated—how quickly she seemed to move on, the smiles she posted online, the trips, the “new normal” she created. Every time I saw it, I felt like I was stuck. Like she had won and I had lost.

At first, it became an obsession. I’d measure my healing against her timeline. If she was dating, I wondered why I wasn’t. If she looked happy, I questioned why I was still hurting. I convinced myself I was behind, as if divorce was some kind of race.

But here’s what I eventually learned: healing is not a competition.

Her Journey Wasn’t Mine

The truth is, I don’t know what went on behind her smiles. Social media doesn’t show sleepless nights or quiet breakdowns. Maybe she was genuinely happy, maybe she wasn’t. But even if she was—it didn’t make my pain less valid, or my progress less real.

Comparison Stole My Peace

Every time I compared, I lost. I lost time, I lost focus, I lost peace. My journey became about proving I was doing “just as well” instead of actually doing well. That was the trap.

I Started Measuring Differently

One day it clicked: I needed to stop measuring myself against her, and start measuring myself against… myself.

• Am I laughing more than I was last month?

• Do I feel a little lighter when I wake up in the morning?

• Am I learning things about myself I didn’t know before?

Those became my markers. Not her holidays, not her selfies, not her relationship status.

Healing Isn’t Linear

I also realized healing isn’t a straight line. Some days I felt on top of the world, other days I fell flat into old emotions. That didn’t mean I was failing—it meant I was human. And slowly, step by step, I noticed I was moving forward.

The Freedom of Letting Go

The moment I stopped comparing, I felt free. Free to heal at my own pace. Free to take my time. Free to define my happiness without looking over my shoulder.

Her life is hers. My life is mine. And maybe the best thing divorce taught me is this: the only person I need to keep up with is the man I’m becoming.

Divorce can trick you into believing life is a competition you’re losing. But the truth is, you’re not racing anyone—not even your ex. The moment you stop comparing and start focusing on your own steps forward, you win in the only way that matters.

 Joseph Abdalla