Lessons from Loneliness: What Divorce Taught Me About Solitude

 Divorce is often described as a painful separation, a moment where everything familiar is torn away. What isn’t talked about enough is what comes after, the loneliness. When my marriage ended, I found myself in a world that suddenly felt quieter, emptier. The shared routines, the familiar presence of another person, even the arguments that once frustrated me were all gone. I was alone, and for a while, that terrified me.

But over time, I realized that loneliness and solitude aren’t the same thing. Divorce didn’t just teach me how to be alone, it also taught me how to embrace it. Here’s what I learned.  

1. Loneliness Isn’t the Enemy, Avoiding It Is.

At first, I did everything to avoid being alone. I distracted myself with work, social outings, anything that would keep me from sitting with my own thoughts. But the more I ran from it, the worse I felt. Eventually, I had no choice but to face it.  

Loneliness has a way of forcing you to confront yourself. It reveals the wounds you’ve been ignoring, the habits you’ve built to mask your pain. And once you stop running, you realize that sitting with your emotions is the first step to healing.

2. Being Alone Doesn’t Mean You’re Unwanted

One of the hardest parts of divorce is feeling unwanted. I questioned everything: Was I not good enough? Was I that easy to leave? But being alone doesn’t mean you have no value. It means you have an opportunity.  

When I stopped seeing solitude as a punishment, I started to view it as a chance to rediscover who I was. I wasn’t defined by my marriage or my past. I was still me, still capable of love, still worthy of happiness.  

3. Solitude Helps You Reconnect with Yourself

In marriage, you inevitably merge parts of your life with another person. Your interests shift, your habits change, and sometimes, you lose sight of what truly makes you you.  

Being alone allowed me to ask myself questions I hadn’t thought about in years:  

- What do I actually enjoy doing?

- What kind of life do I want to build for myself?  

- Who am I outside of a relationship?

I started reading books I’d always meant to read, traveling to places I never prioritized before, and embracing hobbies I had put aside. Little by little, I found my own rhythm again.  

4. You Learn Who Your True Friends Are

Divorce has a way of reshuffling your social circle. Some people distance themselves, unsure of how to support you. Others pick sides. But then there are those who show up, check in, and remind you that you are not alone, even when it feels like it.

I learned to cherish the people who stood by me and let go of those who only valued me when I was part of a couple. True friendships don’t depend on your relationship status.  

5. Alone Time Is a Gift, Not a Curse

I used to see alone time as something to be filled, a void that needed to be covered up with distractions. Now, I see it as a gift.  

There is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. The first is a state of being, the second is a feeling. And once you embrace solitude, you realize that being alone can be empowering. You can spend an entire day on your own and still feel fulfilled. You can enjoy your own company. You can be enough.  

6. Healing Takes Time And That’s Okay

There is no deadline for moving on. Some days, I felt completely fine. Other days, the loneliness crept in and reminded me of what I lost. But over time, the weight of it became lighter.  

The key was allowing myself to feel the sadness, the anger, the relief and the confusion, without rushing to fix it. Healing isn’t about erasing the past; it’s about making peace with it.  

7. Love May Return, But You Won’t Settle for Less

One of the biggest fears after divorce is wondering if you’ll ever love again. And the truth is, maybe you will, maybe you won’t. But the difference now is that you won’t settle just to avoid being alone.  

Solitude teaches you that your happiness isn’t dependent on someone else. It teaches you that love, when it comes again, should add to your life and not fill a void.

Concluding Thoughts

Divorce taught me many things, but one of the most important was that loneliness isn’t the end of the world, but it’s the beginning of something new. When you embrace solitude, you stop seeing it as an emptiness to be feared and start recognizing it as an opportunity for growth.  

I’m no longer afraid of being alone. In fact, I’ve come to appreciate it. Because in the silence, in the stillness, I found something I had lost along the way—myself.

 Joseph Abdalla