Navigating Valentine’s Day During Divorce
There is a specific kind of irony when Valentine's Day comes when you are going through a divorce. Everywhere you look—from the florist stalls to the ads on your feed—there’s a narrative of "forever" being sold. When you’re in the middle of a divorce, that doesn’t sit well.
I’ve learned that Valentine’s Day during a divorce isn't just a day to "get through." It’s a tactical exercise in emotional management. We often default to one of two modes: Where we pretend the day doesn't exist, or the "downward spiral" where we over-analyze what went wrong. Neither is particularly productive. Here is how to approach this.
1. Control the Input
The first thing I did was realize that you control where you put yourself. During my first "transitional" Valentine's, I made the mistake of scrolling through social media. I saw a former mutual friend post a tribute to his "perfect" marriage. So stay off the feeds and focus on something else.
2. The Power of Marketing
We’ve been conditioned to think this day belongs to a partner. It doesn't. It’s just twenty-four hours. During my divorce, instead of sitting at home, I went to my MMA gym. There is something profoundly grounding about a hard sparring session. You can’t dwell on a failing marriage when someone is trying to land a liver shot. Do something that requires focus and yields a sense of personal accomplishment.
3. Handling the Ghost of the Ex
If the divorce is active, then be mindful of what you say. I had to learn that silence is a form of respect—respect for the process and respect for my own healing. If you write a text, leave it in the "Notes" app. Think about what you say.
4. Spend time with Others
A couple of guys in my circle were also going through a split. We didn't sit around complaining about our exes. By surrounding myself with men who valued my presence, I recalibrated my perspective. You realize quickly that while one specific partnership ended, your support system is stronger.
5. The Reality Check
Valentine’s Day is just one hurdle on the track. It feels high-stakes because society says it is. Don't let a Hallmark holiday dictate your worth or your progress. You are rebuilding a life. That requires a clear head and a steady hand.
Treat February 14th like a scheduled maintenance day for your soul: keep the noise down, keep your goals in sight, and remember that by February 15th, all will be forgotten, well at least for another year.
Hasib Afzal