Why Did I Open the Door?

Life is built on circumstances, choices, and consequences. If we want to live without repeating the same mistakes, we must practice honest introspection. After my divorce, I finally had the space to ask myself a painful but necessary question: Why did I open the door to this marriage and all the trauma that came with it?

The answer wasn’t simple, but what I discovered was both enlightening and deeply healing.

Opening the door is an invitation to your life. It’s welcoming people into your space, making room for them in your world. Whatever they carry with them becomes part of your reality. We hope for great connections and a peaceful existence. Unfortunately, that was not the case for me. I didn’t know how to guard myself from a threat to my harmony.

My childhood was full of disappointment and grief, and that environment shaped how I saw myself and the world. In early adulthood, I struggled with identity, felt invisible, and feared change. Friendships and relationships often left me unfulfilled because I was searching for something external that I first needed to discover within. Without realizing it, I was repeating the same patterns over and over again.

When I met my ex, there were red flags everywhere. But I didn’t recognize them for what they were. Instead, I saw them as challenges we could conquer together. No one had ever taught me that conflict could be a warning sign, or that walking away was even an option. The concept of choosing myself simply didn’t exist in my world. Over the years, I withdrew further into survival mode until I became a shadow of the person I once was.

If only I had known then that I mattered—that it was perfectly acceptable to prioritize my own needs—I never would have opened that door. I take full responsibility for welcoming someone into my life who was not right for me, and for staying long after I knew better. I stayed because I feared failure, judgment, and the unknown struggles of leaving. But true growth only comes when we’re willing to change our mindset and our behavior.

Now, on the other side of divorce, clarity has become a gift. I can see how my past shaped my choices, and I can also see the strength it took to break free. Through acknowledging my own role and doing the deep work of healing, I have been liberated. Today, I live with freedom—to laugh, to love, and most importantly, to trust myself again.

I no longer hand over the keys to my peace. At this point in my life, I am the doorkeeper. And with that role comes the responsibility to protect my wellbeing, honor my boundaries, and guard the life I’ve worked so hard to rebuild.

✨ To learn more about my story and healing journey, check out my memoir Lessons on the Way to Onesome—available on Amazon, Kindle, Audible, and right here on Alimonia Life.

Regina H.