Divorce Recovery & Meditation: How to Start Your Meditation Journey to Peace

I’ve recently begun to learn about meditation. Since adopting a daily practice, I find myself looking forward to it. It makes me think back to that high-stress time of divorce and co-parenting. 

How things could have been different if I’d known how to use meditation back then. 

Learning about meditation has been surprising. First, I realized a lot of what I thought I knew about meditation was wrong. I thought it was like a religious thing. Turns out, unless you interject your own belief system, there is no spiritual belief system behind meditation. Though some belief systems heavily rely on the practice, meditation is an adaptable practice you can develop into what works best for you.

Meditation is simply a mind exercise aimed at providing mental discipline and learning to observe emotions rather than being consumed by them. Those are generalizations, but you get the point.

And, I’m learning, there’s extensive scientific support for the practice, for physical and mental health applications. Some of which may help you navigate the stress of divorce, co-parenting, or relationship-related traumas. 

As a reminder, I’m not a doctor or mental health professional, but I do work as a health and wellness writer with extensive knowledge and experience in wellness topics.

Meditation for Divorce Intro | In This Article

If you’ve been curious about meditation, but are a little afraid, I thought I’d share a little of what I learned and how you could get started. Because your body and your mind can have real relief. Now that I’ve experienced a little of it for myself, I want to share it with all of you.

So, find a comfortable position, and open your mind. Let’s talk about managing your stress, your emotions, and for some of you, your traumas, in a grounding and empowering way.

What Is Meditation?

Meditation is an exercise. It involves focusing on the breath, different techniques of clearing the mind, directing or observing the thoughts, and, in some practices, visualizing or listening to sound. Think of it as a mental health gym, but aimed at relaxation and stabilizing the mind and emotions.

What Is Mindfulness?

You’ll see mindfulness come up in almost every discussion on meditation, but they are not the same thing. Mindfulness is a type of awareness. While it can feel like an exercise, it is more a practice of how we view the world around us and how we interpret what we experience. Many people use this as a way to stay positive or actively seek joy, or to keep the focus on gratitude.

Where Did Meditation Come From?

The earliest records of meditative practice show about 3000-1500 BCE, with meditation used as a tool for both spiritual growth and as a way to alleviate suffering. Historians believe it started even earlier, though it’s hard to confirm. The practice was culturally nuanced in different areas and spread as people passed on their experiences to others.

What Kinds of Meditation Are There?

A gazillion. Well, maybe not that many, but there are tons of different types of meditation that you may want to look into before you begin a meditation routine. I wanted guided meditation so I went with an app called Serenity App. It’s very reasonably priced at around 30 bucks every six months for all the premium content. (Not an affiliate link, just a helpful one for you.)

Main Types of Meditation | Best Meditation for Beginners

Since there are so many types, I’m focusing here on the ones you may want to try as a beginner, and the Google phrases you can use to find supportive resources or learn more about a type.

Type of Meditation

Search Terms

Brief Description

Breath Awareness Meditation

"breath awareness meditation," "focus on breathing"

Involves focusing attention on the natural sensations of breathing.

Body Scan Meditation

"body scan meditation," "scan body awareness"

A body-awareness practice that uses a body scan technique.

Guided Meditation

"guided meditation," "meditation with guidance"

Audio or video guide + meditative sounds to lead you through the sessions.

Mindfulness Meditation

"mindfulness meditation," "present moment awareness"

Observe thoughts and sensations in the present moment without judgment.

Loving-Kindness Meditation (Metta)

"loving-kindness meditation," "metta meditation"

Send kind wishes to yourself and others, fostering compassion.

Walking Meditation

"walking meditation," "mindful walking"

Practice mindfulness while walking, focusing on the sensations of movement.

Counting the Breath

"counting the breath," "breath counting meditation"

Count each breath to maintain focus and calm the mind.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

"progressive muscle relaxation," "tension release"

Systematically relax each muscle group in the body to relieve tension.

Visualization Meditation

"visualization meditation," "guided imagery"

Use mental imagery to create a calming and peaceful environment.

Mindful Eating

"mindful eating," "eating meditation"

Focus on the experience of eating, savoring each bite and being present.

Why Meditation May Help You Deal with Divorce

Human bodies and minds are meant to adjust to the changing seasons of our lives. We have a built-in fight or flight mode designed to recognize dangers and guide us, but in times like divorce, this system can spin out of control. Soon, everything sets us off. We become defensive, easily upset, and may lose sleep over all the stress. 

Meditation is a tool that can help calm the body and mind’s response to stress, empowering us to handle difficult things with confidence. This helps you in times of divorce, or when simple little things in your day seem to be getting to you. Grief, trauma, and other difficult emotions may well up during meditation, and the tools you learn can help. (Seek a therapist when needed, of course.)

Meditation can also help you change your perspective. There’s no time like a break up to rebuild your life (and attitude) in a more positive direction. Even 2-3 minutes of quiet breathing exercises can ground you and act like a mental reset, or help you through the loneliness of divorce.

The key is to learn a few meditative techniques and feel confident using them in the ways that help you the most. 

See more healthy coping hobbies for divorcees.

Benefits of Meditation

With so much medical focus on medicating out any bad feelings or periods of stress, I am welcome to a more natural approach. When doctors recommend meditation, they aren’t just putting you off—the benefits of meditation are well-documented. Meaning, there’s big science behind those recommendations. 

From improving your heart to curbing toxic rumination and spiraling, meditation has a wide variety of benefits to physical health, mental health, and if you seek it, spiritual health. 

Meditation & Faith Misconceptions

Speaking of spirituality…

When I was going through a divorce, I was very involved with my church, attending regularly. While prayer and bible study helped me get through my divorce, I wish that I’d known more about meditation back then. I needed real-life help with anxiety. Self-empowering techniques to get through the mental health nightmare I was going through. 

While faith played an important role, I also wanted actionable tools, and in a way, my churchy friends were pretty critical of meditation, or yoga, or anything that seemed mystical. Much of this was rooted in misconception. I think it’s human nature to criticize or discredit something that we do not understand. 

I’ve since come to understand that meditation isn’t really a religious practice, but it can be used that way. Think of it like this: you can learn to drive a car, but where you drive that car is up to you. 

You can use meditation as part of worship, to develop spiritual discipline, or to expand the spiritual connection with your deity (or deities) of choice. But as a practice, meditation does not require any particular belief system, only awareness and practice. Adapt your practice to what feels right to you.

How to Begin a Meditation Practice

As overused as the word “journey” is these days, meditative practice really does feel like a journey. You decide what types of practice you want to try, what tools you want to learn from, and what the practice will look like in your life. Then, you begin small, and learn as you go.

Getting started really is as simple as taking 2-3 minutes to close your eyes, sit still, and focus on the air moving in and out of your lungs. When the mind drifts, simply notice this without judgment and return your focus to the breath. That’s it. That’s how you get started.

What’s Meditation Feel Like?

By the time I started my meditation practice, I was two decades out from my divorce, and a year into a current cancer battle. The stress and existential rumination were almost palpable. I was so desperate for relief that meditation didn’t feel silly or weird at all to me. It felt like coming home—to myself.

Sometimes it feels heavy, like old stuff leaking out through all the pores, and literally leaking out of my eyes, tears just falling from my chin.

Other times, joy radiates from a place deep within me.  It was an outdoor session. Those twirly-gig seed things kept drifting on the wind and landing on me. The guided meditation led me through a visualization exercise to foster joy.

That joy felt yellow, and orange, and sun-shiny. This is important because the cancer I have was caused by genetics, and sun exposure. So this felt like healing, to me.

Many times it feels like rinse and repeat. Breathe, think about not thinking…but then, I do feel more relaxed afterward. Nearly every night I use a guided sleep meditation, and I can see real results there, too. Do I feel enlightened? Well, I don’t even know what that means or feels like, but I have had some curious sensations and thoughts during meditation that certainly got their page in my journal. 

I guess it’s very different for everyone. And so far, for me, it has been a beautiful, welcome experience. I finally feel like I can breathe my way through anything. And for the first time in a very long time, joy doesn’t feel so strange to me. 

I hope the same for you.

Christina M. Ward