Guest Spot with Melani Hubbard

From the Desk of Melani Hubbard. . .

I lived in a domestic violence situation for most of my marriage. I see now that I ignored many red flags while dating; road rage being one. I felt as long as his anger was not directed towards me, I was fine. But 10 years later, I ended up in the hospital with a fractured spine, and had to re-learn how to walk, write, and feed myself. 

It must be noted that the domestic abuse didn’t begin in a rage. My man was kind, considerate, and attentive…until he wasn’t. Now I just refer to him as a male or the ‘ex.’

I recount one incident where the ‘ex’ placed his portion of money for our monthly bills on the dresser. I counted it and set it back ‘til the morning. By the morning, it had decreased! I approached him about our agreement regarding how we’d pay monthly bills. However, he got mad and upset, and I became afraid to speak. Even though this was not the first time he didn’t have his portion, it was just the first time I said something, because this situation always placed more stress on me.  So, I had to work harder to make sure things got paid on time; to protect my credit and livelihood. 

To hide my pain and pretend that everything was alright, I said nothing to no one. . .for years. I wore a ‘mask’ to protect my home, daughter, business, even my abusive relationship. I was fake, but always kept up appearances.

There were years of insults; belittling about my looks; affecting my self-esteem big time. The mental and verbal abuse made me feel worthless.

Like a wildfire that destroys property and life, but may start with someone throwing a tiny, lit cigarette on the ground next to a dry tree, is how I describe my marriage; a small burning ember that erupted into years of domestic abuse. 

I now walk with a permanent limp.

But things have worked out in my favor! I got rid of that male. I said, “enough is enough, get the stepping!” Actually, God saved me, and I was able to write a book to share my story, which I now view as a part of my journey. My book, Battered, Bruised, and Broken, set me free, and now I am free enough to help others…for that, I am thankful; having stood on Proverbs 3:5 for guidance and stability. My words to anyone in a domestic violence situation is “get free and stay free.”

When I started Alimonia Life I was unsure of the direction, I just knew that I wanted to
create a safe space for anyone who found themselves on the road to divorce.
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