Learning that being whole has nothing to do with who stays, who leaves, or who chooses you. It begins with choosing yourself.
There was a time when I thought being whole meant having everything in place: a loving relationship, a family that matched my vision, a peaceful home, and a life that made sense.
But life challenged what I believed I needed to feel complete.
For much of my life, I adapted to difficult circumstances. I experienced loss early on and learned to keep moving. As I grew older, I carried those lessons into my relationships, marriage, motherhood, and the many roles I took on as a woman.
Like so many women, I learned to show up for others—to love, nurture, support, and hold things together, even when I was falling apart inside.
What took me longer to learn was how to show up for myself.
When You Lose Yourself Trying to Make Life Work
I spent 23 years married before deciding to leave. Walking away was not simply the end of a relationship; it began a deeper reckoning with myself.
I had to confront the life I had been living, the decisions I had made, and the parts of myself I had neglected.
Divorce brings you face-to-face with questions you may have avoided for years: Who am I outside this relationship? What do I want my life to look like now? What have I been tolerating that no longer serves me? And perhaps the hardest question: How did I lose sight of myself?
I began journaling during my divorce. Writing gave me a place to be honest without explaining or defending my feelings. Eventually, that process grew into Alimonia Life, a space where I could share my experiences and connect with others navigating life after divorce.
I thought I was writing my way through the end of a marriage. In many ways, I was writing my way back to myself.
I discovered that the end of a relationship does not have to mean the end of your story. Sometimes, it begins a relationship with yourself that you have never fully experienced.
What Does Onesome Mean?
I created Onesome to represent the journey back to oneself.
We live in a world that places great emphasis on togetherness. We celebrate romantic partnerships, marriage, family, and the idea of finding someone who completes us. We are often taught that having someone beside us means we have arrived at a desirable destination in life.
But what happens when a relationship ends, a child grows up and moves away, or the life you built no longer looks the way you expected?
Who are you when the roles change?
Who are you when you are no longer someone’s wife, partner, or the person everyone depends on?
Who are you when the noise settles and you are left with yourself?
Onesome is about discovering that person.
It is the understanding that you can stand on your own and still be whole. You do not need a partner to have a meaningful life or someone else’s choice to recognize your worth. You do not have to abandon your needs to prove that you know how to love.
Onesome is not a rejection of relationships or togetherness. It is a reminder that healthy relationships should allow you to remain connected to yourself.
You can love someone deeply without making them responsible for your identity. You can build a life with another person without handing them the keys to your happiness. You can welcome companionship without fearing solitude.
The goal is not to need nobody.
The goal is to stop losing yourself while loving somebody.
Learning to Choose Myself
My journey has not been a straight line from heartbreak to happiness. I have had to learn, unlearn, and make difficult decisions.
After leaving my marriage, I continued learning what it meant to understand myself outside a long-term relationship. Choosing yourself can be complicated, especially when you are used to prioritizing everyone else’s needs, expectations, and feelings.
When you have invested your heart, time, and energy in a relationship or way of living, you naturally want things to work. You hope difficult conversations will lead to understanding and that people who care about each other can find a way forward.
But love alone does not resolve every difference. Feelings do not automatically create emotional safety, mutual accountability, or the willingness to sustain a healthy life.
I had to learn that caring about others and choosing what is right for me are not mutually exclusive.
I can recognize the good in people without dismissing how certain circumstances affect me. I can work through challenges without accepting a dynamic that requires me to silence myself or compromise my peace.
That has been one of Onesome’s most important lessons for me: I can honor the love I have for others without betraying my love for myself.
Choosing myself does not always feel empowering. Sometimes it feels like grief. Sometimes it means accepting an outcome I did not want or sitting with unanswered questions instead of exhausting myself trying to make someone understand.
Sometimes, it simply means being honest about what I can and cannot continue to carry.
I no longer measure the success of my life by how long I can endure difficult circumstances. I want to consider whether my choices are healthy, reciprocal, and aligned with the life I am creating.
That is a different way of living. It requires a different relationship with myself.
Onesome Is Bigger Than Divorce
Although Alimonia Life began during my divorce, my journey has expanded far beyond the end of a marriage.
I am a mother, writer, author, certified life coach, and creative. I have spent more than 30 years in the beauty industry, and I continue to discover new possibilities for my life.
These roles matter to me, but none tells my whole story.
I am also a woman who enjoys the beach, traveling, moving her body, laughing, creating, and imagining what might be possible next. I am still learning, and my future is not limited by the chapters I have already lived.
Onesome reminds me that I am allowed to evolve.
I can change my mind, outgrow circumstances, pursue new interests, and decide that something that once mattered no longer fits the person I am becoming.
I do not have to remain the same woman simply because others have grown accustomed to her.
And neither do you.
Sometimes, we become so committed to maintaining the lives we have built that we forget we can build something different. We stay in familiar roles because we know how to perform them and continue meeting expectations because disappointing others feels harder than disappointing ourselves.
But eventually, we must ask whether the life we are maintaining is the life we want to live.
Onesome gives me permission to keep asking that question.
It reminds me that becoming whole is not a one-time accomplishment. It is an ongoing relationship with myself.
From a Personal Journey to a Shared Experience
When I created Onesome, I wanted to give the concept a life beyond the page.
I wanted to create an experience where people could step away from daily responsibilities, reconnect with themselves, and spend time in a space that encouraged reflection, conversation, and possibility.
That vision became Onesome: The Living Room Experience.
The living room was intentional. I wanted it to feel personal and welcoming—a place to exhale, be present, and exist without performing a role.
Bringing Onesome into a shared space allows me to live out the concept I write about. I am not simply telling people they can reconnect with themselves; I am creating opportunities for them to explore what that looks like in their own lives.
That is what I love about this idea.
Onesome can be a journal entry, a solo trip, a boundary you establish, a creative project, or an evening spent doing something you genuinely enjoy. It can be the decision to stop waiting for someone else to make your life meaningful.
It can also be a room full of people learning, growing, laughing, reflecting, and discovering that life holds more than the circumstances that brought them there.
We do not all arrive at Onesome through divorce. Some come through grief, an empty nest, a career change, the end of a friendship, or the realization that they have spent years living according to others’ expectations.
Our circumstances may differ, but the invitation is the same:
Come back to yourself.
The Life I Am Creating Now
Today, I think differently about what it means to have a fulfilling life.
I still believe in love, companionship, meaningful relationships, and sharing experiences with people who matter. But I no longer want my life on hold while I wait for another person or circumstance to make it what I want it to be.
There are books to write, places to visit, experiences to create, people to meet, and ideas I want to bring to life. A new version of me continues to emerge as I make room for possibility.
I want to be present for that life.
I want to make decisions from self-respect rather than fear, recognize when something is no longer right for me, and enjoy what is good without becoming so attached to an outcome that I lose sight of myself.
Most importantly, I want to remember that I am the one person who accompanies me through every chapter of my life.
People will come and go. Relationships will change. Children will grow up. Circumstances will shift.
But I will still be here.
And I want to be here as a woman who knows and trusts herself, understanding that her worth is not determined by who stays beside her.
That is what Onesome means to me.
It is not about having everything figured out or never feeling lonely, disappointed, or uncertain. It is about knowing that even then, I do not have to abandon myself.
I can begin again, choose differently, and create a life that reflects who I am today rather than who I had to be to survive yesterday.
I can love people without losing myself in them.
I can stand on my own without believing I am missing something.
I can be one and still be whole.
And so can you.
An Invitation to Your Own Onesome Journey
If you recognize yourself in these words, I invite you to consider what Onesome might mean in your life.
You do not need to be divorced, single, or in the middle of a major transition. You only need to be willing to consider your relationship with yourself.
Ask yourself:
Where have I been abandoning my needs to keep something or someone else?
What parts of myself have I set aside while caring for others?
What would I do differently if I trusted that I was enough without someone else’s approval?
What is one thing I can do today that brings me closer to the person I want to become?
You do not have to answer every question or make sweeping changes overnight.
Start by paying attention to yourself. Listen to what you need. Give yourself permission to want more, want something different, or enjoy the life you already have without needing someone else to validate it.
Your journey back to yourself can begin with one small decision.
Mine began with writing.
It grew through reflection, difficult choices, new experiences, and the willingness to see myself beyond the circumstances I had known.
Through Alimonia Life and Onesome, I hope to remind others that the journey back to yourself is always worth taking.
Because at the end of the day, no matter who walks beside you, you are the one person you will spend your entire life with. Make that relationship one worth nurturing.
Welcome to Onesome.
Your journey back to yourself.
— Regina Hiremath
Founder of Alimonia Life and creator of Onesome