Divorce & Getting Out of Your Own Way

After divorce, many of us spend countless hours replaying the past—analyzing what went wrong, what we missed, and how we could have done things differently. Reflection is healthy, but rumination can become a cage. When we dwell too long on the “why,” we unintentionally anchor ourselves to the very pain we’re trying to move beyond.

The truth is, moving on requires two things:

✅ Understanding your role in the breakdown of the marriage

✅ Having the courage to make changes that support who you’re becoming

We cannot create a new life with the same mindset that contributed to our old one. At some point, we must get out of our own way.

When Silence Becomes a Habit

For me, past trauma taught me to shrink, to silence myself, and to avoid rocking the boat. I never learned how to advocate for my needs. My marriage became yet another place where I disappeared into the background.

Divorce forced me to confront that truth.

It was uncomfortable. It was confronting. But it was necessary.

Slowly, I learned to identify what I needed, and then I learned to speak it—first with a whisper, then with a voice rooted in self-respect. That shift didn’t just change my marriage story… it changed every area of my life. I began standing firm on my principles, my standards, and my boundaries.

Reclaiming Myself

Today, I feel in control of my life—fully, completely, and unapologetically. And I genuinely don’t know if I would have found my voice had I stayed married. Divorce was the doorway to rediscovery. It taught me that asking for permission to exist is not living.

As I stepped into this new version of myself, I attracted new relationships—friendships, connections, and partnerships built on confidence, not permission. People now meet the real me, not the muted version I once offered the world.

The Work of Becoming

Healing after divorce requires excavation. You must unearth the versions of yourself that were created in survival mode—the parts that protected you, but can’t lead you into your future.

That level of self-honesty isn’t always comfortable, but it is liberating.

If you want to move forward after divorce, you will have to:

• Tell the truth about how you abandoned yourself

• Reclaim the parts of you that got lost in that relationship

• Choose who you want to be in this next chapter

You are no longer surviving—you are rebuilding.

And that requires new habits, new thinking, and a new level of self-trust.

Final Thought

Divorce is not the end of your story—it’s the beginning of your becoming. The most powerful transformation occurs when you stop looking back and start looking inward. When you stop justifying the old version of you and start creating the one you deserve to be.

You don’t owe anyone the 2.0 version of who you are becoming—not even the old you.

Get out of your own way, and watch what happens.

Regina H.